Monday, January 23, 2006
Shem Hotep ("I go in peace")
Dear (Creator) God...
Master, here I am again,
Pleading God to your glorious throne,
Asking Father for strength and grace-
For patience and guidance to carry on.
God I know you are already aware
Of the situations I'm in-
And God I pray for your intervention,
Lest I act on my own and sin.
I am thankful to you
For not only the countless ways you've made-
But also the unplayable price with your precious son
For my wretched soul, you paid.
Father, I pray that you search
Beneath the surface of my soul
And see my desire to be wholly thine,
And of my life, You take complete control.
But, oh God, so many things and forces
Are striving to pull me away from you;
And I love the pleasure-
More than I'm cognizant of what I Do!
I can only imagine how much this hurts
To see your son be such a hypocrite-
The more you bless him,
The worse he gets!
You have over the years kept his body
His family and the friends you've sent him-
You've delivered him out of countless perils,
Even when his chances of survival were slim.
There were many in situations as His
But not all of them came through-
And you've blessed him-
And in return look at what he continues to do!
Lust, double-mindedness, inner corruption
Continue to be fed in his spirit more and more.
Look at how he continues to behave-
Sin is in his heart's core.
God, I want to apologize
For by no means do you deserve this treatment-
After all, you are holy, perfect, and just,
Never having a reason to repent.
I am so sorry Father
For all of those times I turned my back on you,
For all of the pain I've caused,
For those things-sinful things- I continue to do;
For all of those times I didn't follow your order,
For all of those doubtful moments-
For those blatant rebellions,
And hours in my own selfish will I've spent.
I suppose you're tired of hearing this,
For I've pleaded to you before-
But God I am SICK of going around in circles-
This powerless state my soul abhors!
How am I to fight in the raging war
When I am losing the skirmish within myself?
How am I to be led by you, heading towards the right,
When I constantly want to go left?
God I realize now that I can't do what
You're asking me to do-
There's too many obstacles and stipulations-
But wait, I can do all things when I'm in you.
God, we both know, that's good information-
It helps to build my faith;
But what good is information going to be
When I am still going wholeheartedly
after those temptations- that carnal bait?
God I feel almost as a lost cause!
The harder I strive to do right and good,
The more I sin I become enthralled by
And the less I do what I know I should.
I read in your Holy Word that you
Become upset with those who know and do wrong-
And I'm a prime example- top of the list;
I can only be this way for so long!
I know soon you're going to put
An end to those things I exalt above you-
But God, you know, I'm striving to be RIGHT;
It's just easier to magnify "myself" and wrong do!
I thank you God that you are God,
For I doubt I would be so kind,
With someone like myself with a corrupt soul,
And hypocritical mind.
Had I gotten what I should have,
What was my just due-
Death would have been my unpardonable sentence-
But God, this moment, I'm here- and I thank you!
For although I am not where I should be,
You have allowed me to live;
My mind you continue to keep sane,
And a reasonable portion of health you give!
God, I often feel so bad,
For you have given me more than I can repay;
How can I ever say thank you enough?
Though corrupt, you granted me another day!
Another day to say "thank you"-
Another day to be better than I was yesterday-
Another day to draw closer to your will-
Another day to seek your face and pray!
Oh God I thank you!
For someone did not wake up to this Christmas day-
Someone did not see the close of another yuletide season-
For someone, you did not make a way!
God you know Satan is busy-
He wants to claim me for his Hell;
But God I belong to you,
My soul isn't for sale!
God I won't ask you to move Satan-
But I do ask God for more of you in my heart!
For once I obtain you,, then comes the power and strength-
And that is only the start!
Restore me God into fellowship with you
That I may know your will,
Help me God to be patient,
To wait on you, and be still.
I know that change does not happen quickly in my time,
Therefore God I'm seeking your guidance and skill-
For God I have made a mockery of you,
Claiming to be "yours" yet walk in my own will!
I don't want to keep you out
Of this vessel you molded and shaped with your hands;
For I am in need of your power and strength,
To journey throughout this carnal land!
Be patient master, just in case I'm slow to act-
Hold the door just a little longer, for me to pass through-
Thank you!- for I can see the end of this struggle-
It comes when I totally submit to you!
God it often feels as though you can't relate
To the desires and passions I feel-
What do you know about resisting lustful temptations?
What self did you have to kill?
I know it sounds bold
But it sometimes feels as though you're not near;
God, I wish you would rescue me from these thoughts-
And make your plan crystal-clear.
Obviously, all of this is happening for a reason-
Although at times that is difficult to believe-
Faith in you is easy to talk about,
Yet is difficult for the soul to conceive.
I believe you can do all things
Even change the hearts of m en-
Yet I know my heart requires more work;
I willingly engross it with sin.
Create in me, master, a clean heart-
And renew your divine sprit within me-
Wash me, cleanse my soul-
Purge me, prepare my soul for eternity.
Thank you God for working things out.
In you, my Savior, only do I invest my trust-
For in you, the Solid Rock- does all strength derive;
To make it, you, God, are a must!
Thank you God for the strength to endure,
For the peace of mind you give!
Thank you God for your enduring grace,
And your gift of salvation that I might live!
Thank you God for being there,
Always there whenever I call.
Thank you God for your abounding mercy
And for still wanting to be my all and all
Thank you God for loving a sinner
And the desire to make him whole!
Thank you God for the ability to call you Father-
And most of all for saving my soul...
Posted by Sawaad Amen Ra at 5:19 PM
Shem Hotep ("I go in peace").
Blacks and Depression!
Depression in our culture is one of the main ills that drive our quest for feeling good. Black people will always seek a way to feel good. We were a happy people who only desired what is natural. That drive to feel good has taken us to the brink of destruction both mentally and physically. Feeling good should be an outgrowth of a sound mind and body. Our childhood is one of the main factors in determining our adult happiness. That is why we have to solve the early years in order to find peace and tranquility in the later years. Most manic depressive people are treated with varying degrees of medication to balance out the day. We are treated for abnormalities in the mental process that have never been quite understood by the non Black professional. Black health cares providers are better equipped to handle the needs of our people but even our own have been mistrained to mistreat us. To be Black is unlike anything you could ever study in a university setting. Our sojourn here is so unique as to have no equal. Our depression and need to feel good is our response to the oppression felt for over four hundred years. We pursue drugs both legal and otherwise at an alarming rate. We pursue the good life at all cost as proven by our crime rate in this country.
To really understand your Blackness is to know that all things have a purpose. We have always been a despised and rejected people and therefore in need of LOVE. Love could and would eliminate the need for mental health care providers in this world. Our depression stems from a lack of love from the people who gave us all they had. Our new found enlightenment has bought the ISSUES in our life out of the closet. We are no longer angry at the world for what has transpired. All of your dysfunction was passed on to you without your permission. Depression is usually bought on by things you can't control.
For those of us who really understand what it is to be black, we drink less, smoke less, eat less and complain less. The time has come to face the reality of accepting your share of blame for the things you do control. Control is all about saying no and meaning no. Most Black people that come to an accurate understanding of who they really are could never accept society’s version of acceptable behavioral standards. To smoke, drink and medicate your way through life signifies an absence of love and knowledge needed to fight back. The properly oriented black person sees him or herself as part of a more natural environment that doesn't allow for self destructive vices.
We have to start to view sobriety as the hallmark of understanding and engaging our unnatural enemies. We continue to walk around in need of feeling good but always seek temporary solutions to long term problems. There are some who will pay over a hundred dollars an hour to be told you have a problem and seek solutions based on that diagnosis. We as Black people have always and still do have the power to heal but have been here too long. We now run where they run to seek help as if we are the same people.
We have embraced all the teachings of the Europeans. We study where they teach we even worship where they preach. We brag about being Catholic but that church financed our enslavement. We are so politically astute but culturally in a coma. We baptize our children just as the Europeans did in the first century in Europe not AFRICA. We pray to white images. We perform our marriages to a precise European tradition, though it was (they) who wouldn't allow us to marry. We celebrate with them about them. Sometimes we love them more than they love their own. How bad do (they) have to be for us to reject them? How many mass murders? How many planeloads of drugs for our youth? How many saviors? How many guns? How much sex and how much violence? How many negative portrayals on TV? How much hypocrisy? How many liquor stores? How many churches? How bad do (they) have to be to make you embrace your own beautiful self? When will it end? --------------------------- It could end right now!!!! JUST SAY AND MEAN NO.
We will always be (CRAZY) until we get our culture straight. People that embrace other people and not their own will always be a depressed people. I get depressed once in a great while trying to help people that don't understand our love affair with Europeans. I tell them that the Europeans have turned everything backwards. They say prove it and I say look, they took our G-O-D out of us and put their D-O-G in us. We originally worshipped the S-U-N that you can see and now we worship the S-O-N that we have never seen. We worship the (son) on SUN-DAY. How backwards can you get? My battle with the mental health of my people will always be an ongoing struggle as I attempt a rescue from the clutches of despair.
Posted by Sawaad Amen Ra at 5:02 PM
Shem Hotep ("I go in peace").
Hardly a day goes by that there is not evidence of extreme anger in our society. Ever wonder what can be done about it? We continue to escape the need to answer the question by removing ourselves from harms way. This rage in our youth has now enveloped us no matter where you live or work.
Let us take some time to understand why we attack and show anger and hostility toward each other. The youth of today feel they have grown up with insensitive parenting that has not made them the focus of their attention. Once a child is allowed to grow up basically loveless and therefore desensitized, rage and violence is inevitable.
We as parents MUST understand that the love we received is not sufficient to raise kids with today. Our parents never understood that we grew up with an inner rage that may have caused a street fight or two. Our ability to vent our anger without killing was due to our limited use of deadly force but not because of less anger. Two of my own brothers were shot and wounded with small caliper guns in the 70's that probably would have meant their death in the 90's. The youth of today have more sophistication and choice of weapons with more people to target their rage against. We must all work to defuse this madness and connect all our youth into a collective show of unity.
Some of us still think violence is still a crime of poverty. Our youth are angry at more than being poor. They are angry at being neglected emotionally more than materially. Some of the youth that are angry are driving nice cars and come from nice homes with nice parents. So why the inner rage? Our pursuit of wealth has left our children emotionally poor and unable to cope with our neglect. Too much or too little wealth is still neglect for kids looking for love.
For our kids to sit down and eat dinner with us and then proceed to go out to murder shows that we are not connected to them emotionally. To call the pizza delivery guy and then kill him when he arrives is a blaring sign of our parental neglect in not properly orientating our youth to who they really are. Many may disagree with the notion that it could be us that are guilty but hold on. Our kids were not born to murder and have a willful disregard for life. A lack of early childhood love is at the very core of this problem. Parents without a clue about what I'm talking about is exactly WHAT I'm talking about. Too busy and no one watching the house again. We may be putting our job or a mate before our babies. We are not on the plantation so give your off-spring your undivided attention until they are full of love and void of anger.
This loveless, thankless, unattached world that we find ourselves in was passed on to us. We inherited dysfunctional parents from their dysfunctional parents and then gave life to perfect kids that have now become dysfunctional. We must not be in denial about our role in this society. Our youth being out of control is an outgrowth of us not having control. Control would allow us time and energy to love and nurture and bring about a new and peaceful generation. Is that happening?
We can no longer continue to do the minimum and expect the maximum. The past generations had a tough time showing us real love and we are repeating the only behavior we know. We can begin to turn this around with a heavy dose of understanding the reality of our neglect. What do the kids really want? They want to be the real focus of our attention. They WILL get your attention one way or another. You can decide to give it from the day that they are born or you can wait on the phone call. Don't wait on that call, get busy now.
This generation has decided that they will not be ignored. They approach one another not knowing that they are all suffering from the same type of neglect. Rather than embrace and support each other they vent their anger by taking a life over nothing. If their life is so meaningless why should someone else's life be so meaningful? That is their logic and it must be understood. It is easy to commit violence when you are guided by animalistic logic. Are you showing your youth the humanistic qualities that we should all exhibit or do you just talk about it? How is your concern for your fellow human? Is your own anger under control?
Our anger stems from not being where we want to be in life. This has been the plight of our people. We are angry about our lack of control in this country. We want more of everything but must settle for what we can get. We didn't get enough love and we can't get anything else so we got some ISSUES that we must resolve. Our youth are the by products of 400 years of family dysfunction that we still ignore. We send them out here unprepared for this zoo that they will encounter.
We criticize their drug use but must understand their reality. People that feel unloved will never turn down a chance to feel good. If they were loaded down with the proper amount of positive feelings derived from feeling loved, drugs and violence would not be an option.
Kids are not out here killing and using drugs because they feel great about the way you raised them. It is a mirror reflection of how you raised them. You may have given all you had to give but your tank was too low. I am not blaming you for past behaviors but once you know better you have to do better. We all need to go back and start by apologizing for the obvious neglect that we all inherited and passed on.
Kids are really forgiving when we are honest but spiteful when we stick to a plan that has failed them. If your child is struggling with this rage, you must take action other than finger pointing. The child didn't raise him/her self so get over yourself.
We are in a battle with our unnatural enemy in this country and can't be fighting and killing each other. We need to solicit their help in our struggle for control of our own circumstance. Put them in a real fight with real ISSUES. We need to point out the real enemy and have them turn their rage into positive action. This will increase the harmony between parents and kids. You will never get cooperation when they see you as part of their problem.
We are all locked together by our blackness so I am asking everyone to go back and think about our issues. Start to hug and show these kids some attention that you never thought possible. (Forget how you were raised) Make them the focus of all your attention before it's too late. Educate them about the real fight going on. Tell them we need their help and get them involved. Tell them we don't have time to get high and fight our own people. We are all in this together.
I offer this as a solution because I have heard no other. We must address these crimes of anger that threaten to derail our youth and future freedom fighters.
Do you know where your kids are right now?
Posted by Sawaad Amen Ra at 5:01 PM